My comments on the slumdog movie have been long overdue. Well I had reconsidered and came to the conclusion that I should save up my abuses for something more worthwhile. Alas..
Flashback:
Its 10.30 am, Oscar Day (Well night for them of course)
I hear a huge scream parading across my entire society. Being the 'updated' person that I am, I tune in to Star Movies where the Academy Awards was being telecasted. "Best Director-Danny Boyle"...."Best Film-Slumdog Millionaire". Switch Off. Switch on again. What about The Dark Knight?- Two oscars. It was as if they were compensatory awards-a tribute to the departed soul.
I move on to some of the news channels. Amidst all the celebrations I can still sense a feeling of confusion amongst the news reporters. I can imagine one of them thinking "8 oscars? Wow.I didn't even know that slumdog was nominated for so many. I knew we had a shot at Rahman. I mean why wouldn't we. His song 'Jai Ho' had become like an anthem for cheerleaders across the States. Brr...Brr.. I am supposed to be thinking postive things. Slumdog was brilliant. Never witnessed anything like it. I mean look at 'Jai Ho'. Rahman at his best. The lyrics especially 'Jai Ho, Jai ho, jai ho...'Brr.. Brr.. Think positive.. Raindrops and peaches and butterflies and lillies.. La la la la la la la".
Ok so that was my interpretation of their thoughts. It may not be one hundred percent accurate. But I know I was close. One reporter even went to the extent of saying "Don't you feel that Slumdog won because of its mass appeal and not because of its critical brilliance?"
Yeah so to all of you out there who are ready with your truck load of fire crackers and sweets, I know that deep down you didn't find the movie great either. But then you convince yourself by saying that if the people at the Oscars like it, then there must be something about it. So lets join the crowd.
Coz frankly the academy people dont know what they are doing half the time. I mean at a time when a brilliant movie like 'The Sixth Sense' was made, critical acclaim and commercial hit, the Academy people give away the award for best film to a ridiculously dumb movie 'American Beauty'. Why? Because the former was directed by an Indian and the latter by an American. Simliarly for 'Elizabeth' by Shekhar Kapoor and 'Namesake' by Mira Nair.
I have equal hatred for the Oscars in the States and the Filmfare in India. Both are just politically driven pieces of crap.
Personally I have nothing against slumdog. It was a decent movie. But the hype behind it was unjustifiable. We have seen better and made better. If slumdog got 8 oscars, 'Salaam Bombay' deserves 16.
I'll end this episode with a few tips.
How to make it big at the Oscars:
1) Get a white man to direct or produce or both if you want to make your chances really high.
2) Show India in its poorest light. Slums, backward traditions, poverty, the works.
3) Get a person as brilliant as Rahman and make him compose catchy tracks like 'Jai Ho', 'Ringa Ringa', 'O Saya'.. In short songs with minimal lyrics so that the people there can comprehend it.
4) Release it in the States first, create the hype and then bring it to India.
5) Have atleast one Bollywood dance number.
6) The movie should be preferably in English and make sure the actors have a thick Indian accent. The way Russel Peters describes it.
7) ...
I can go on with the list.. But you'll get a hang of it. Jus look outside your windows and breathe in the fresh slum air...Mmmmmmmmm
